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Post by aquatic on Dec 28, 2013 0:59:37 GMT
...my pair of trusty boots exploded on me last week, on a family Christmas hike... Exploded, one after the other, in the space of less than ten yards walking on a sandy beach. Now, I leave it to your imagination to decide the cause of such impressive powers of tumescence. You broke wind mightily down your trouser-legs, which were tucked too tightly into your lifts? So you were Hoist on your Own petard? (I hope the sand didn't get up your trouser-legs. Or do I?)
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Post by ncsonde on Dec 29, 2013 3:02:20 GMT
A civil servant for you. The banality of mental porridge. Look, I could tell you, aqua, but then I'd have to kill you. Like wot I was trained to do. I can't tell you where, obviously, or how big my knob is, so STFU, and move on.
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Post by left shoe on Dec 29, 2013 16:05:29 GMT
A civil servant for you. The banality of mental porridge. Look, I could tell you, aqua, but then I'd have to kill you. Like wot I was trained to do. I can't tell you where, obviously, or how big my knob is, so STFU, and move on. TBH I don't think I've ever heard anyone say they have chucked a bloke because he had a small "knob" so don't let that be a worry duckie. OTOH I have heard of blokes being dumped because they are arseholes so it's probably that and nothing to do with the other thing. It must wrankle though when you hear some women say they like tall men./ It's all TALL dark and handsome with some. B*stards!
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Post by marchesarosa on Dec 31, 2013 9:48:29 GMT
I have. Moi.
And anyone else would have done the same unless they were happy to to be celibate. I'm afraid this particular organ never exceeded the profile of a button mushroom - no "stalk" at all.
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Post by allman on Jan 1, 2014 9:48:06 GMT
I have. Moi. And anyone else would have done the same unless they were happy to to be celibate. I'm afraid this particular organ never exceeded the profile of a button mushroom - no "stalk" at all. I think that Nick has suffered enough Enough I say!
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Post by ncsonde on Jan 3, 2014 17:01:50 GMT
TBH I don't think I've ever heard anyone say they have chucked a bloke because he had a small "knob" so don't let that be a worry duckie. OTOH I have heard of blokes being dumped because they are arseholes so it's probably that and nothing to do with the other thing. It must wrankle though when you hear some women say they like tall men./ It's all TALL dark and handsome with some. B*stards! Not something you'll have ever had to worry about, Pippop, so relax. (I have heard that's what blokes like you should do, somewhere.)
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Post by ncsonde on Jan 3, 2014 17:06:06 GMT
I have. Moi. And anyone else would have done the same unless they were happy to to be celibate. I'm afraid this particular organ never exceeded the profile of a button mushroom - no "stalk" at all. There you have the mystery of Edward VIII's otherwise unaccountable attraction to Wallis Simpson - or so it's reliably reported. Dewy-eyed romantics need not despair - she married him, reader.
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Post by ncsonde on Jan 3, 2014 17:09:27 GMT
I have. Moi. And anyone else would have done the same unless they were happy to to be celibate. I'm afraid this particular organ never exceeded the profile of a button mushroom - no "stalk" at all. I think that Nick has suffered enough Enough I say! Not in the least - I enjoy having my curiosity tickled. Not a euphemism - just puzzlement. I can understand the speculative fascination of Avi and Pippop, and Jean, of course. But why is Aqua so interested in the size of my enormous penis? Isn't he a Muslim now? Perhaps the Grand Mufti should be told.
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Post by aquatic on Jan 3, 2014 23:14:30 GMT
But why is Aqua so interested in the size of my enormous penis? Isn't he a Muslim now? I'm not so interested as incredulous. (I didn't realise I'd touched on your penis: sorry. (Which means it wasn't so enormous: sorry.) ) And my Muslimism is between me and The Eneffable, thanks v much.
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Post by ncsonde on Jan 4, 2014 0:35:39 GMT
But why is Aqua so interested in the size of my enormous penis? Isn't he a Muslim now? I'm not so interested as incredulous. It is rather hard to believe, I know. I expect you were fumbling about on the wrong side. Socialists for you. You should have remembered that before you started mouthing off about it, I think. About how tolerant and harmless and peaceful it is. I take it then that you fully approved of your son's conversion to a creed that by its own ineluctable law decrees homosexuality an abomination? Punishable by death? Fine by you, is it? Doesn't matter? As long as he's happy? What do women's and gay's rights matter? Speak up, Sir Humph.
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aviatrix
WH Member
I wish I was good looking enough for people to think I was stupid
Posts: 39
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Post by aviatrix on Jan 4, 2014 2:07:29 GMT
fuck?
why you going on about your penis all the time?
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Post by ncsonde on Jan 4, 2014 2:36:14 GMT
Revenge. It's never given me any peace.
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Post by ncsonde on Jan 4, 2014 2:57:25 GMT
Attentive followers of this board - we know you're there, Proboards tell us so - might be wondering why an avowed lesbian should be so transixed by the wondrous dimensions of the aforementioned member. Avi we can all understand. She's an Australian, and has a peachy arse (or so we - dearly - like to believe.) Pippop has a legitimate interest too. Aqua no doubt can't make his mind up, and probably swings both ways, just in case. Marchesa is biding her time, being a natural sceptic, in case the opportunity arises to find out for sure. Pippa knows she'll find out for sure, and doesn't care anyway, because even if my tongue doesn't work, my fingers do.
Nay is naturally disinterested, and bored with the whole topic, and wouldn't even comment - except it's all we've been talking about for several weeks. He's a Catholic, and an engineer: so out of respect, or at least consideration for mutual cleanliness, I don't hold it against him.
But the lesbian? What's her fascination?
Well, archives show that it transpires that she was once stuck in a railway carriage with Jimmy Savile. Reader, it turns out that no tunnel was involved. In fact, it turns out that she was not interfered with in any way. A record, you might think. Ever since, she has sworn off any possibility of such offence; partook thereafter only of the blessed muff; sings Renaissance songs and wears a wimple; and spends her spare time digging allotments or bitterly arguing with people on the internet about the derivation of words. Though she still very much likes train journeys - just in case one day she might meet Rolf, and get to play his didgeridoo. Derivation unknown, and by that time who cares?
But yeah, I agree, really. Let's all agree to just stop talking about my humongous penis. It's getting embarrassing.
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Post by allman on Jan 4, 2014 12:35:15 GMT
;D
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Post by aquatic on Jan 5, 2014 0:33:33 GMT
You should have remembered that before you started mouthing off about it, I think. About how tolerant and harmless and peaceful it is. I take it then that you fully approved of your son's conversion to a creed that by its own ineluctable law decrees homosexuality an abomination? Punishable by death? Fine by you, is it? Doesn't matter? As long as he's happy? What do women's and gay's rights matter? Speak up, Sir Humph. As I've consistently said or implied that if I had any religious feelings I'd incline towards Christianity, and that Islam would be a distinctly unattractive option, and am not misogynistic or homophobic, I can only assume you're mixing me up with somebody else. (As I mixed up effendi and ineffable. Sorry.) OK, I do react against extreme anti-Muslimism, such as is evinced by a few on this board. I do feel that we could get somewhere, if people would give it a chance!
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