Thursday, 25 March 2010
The Spoof
www.thespoof.com/news/spoof.cfm?headline=s5i71502#this A new study suggests that the IPCC is losing 10% of it's credibility mass every month, and could have completely disappeared by Christmas.
"It's shrinking faster that we thought" said Anthony Watts the renowned skeptical blogger, who led a small team of dedicated bloggers, analysing over 10,000 news articles and blogs on the Internet. "Not one of them contained the phrase 'The IPCC is innocent'", explained Mr. Watts, "Not even their unofficial web-site RealClimate.org"
Intrepid Spoof reporters sought comments worldwide. Dr. Rajendra K. Pachauri, the eminent Himalayan glacier expert, was interviewed as he emerged from his hairdresser's salon in downtown Delhi. "It's a travesty!" he exclaimed, "I have newspaper cuttings and a 1988 photograph to prove it".
Dr. Pachauri posed for photographs before he continued. "There was just one small error" he explained. "They wrote their reports in English. If they'd used Sanskrit, none of this would have happened".
Dr. Pachauri spoke briefly to other reporters before posing for more photographs, and was then whisked off in his motorcade to a special meeting of the Railway Engineers Society of India, where he's to be given a lifetime service award.
AGW skeptic Viscount Monckton of Brenchley commented "It doesn't surprise me - if you're striving for a New World Order you can expect a few minor scandals, though they've had a lot of major goofs. There's probably a world lecture tour in this for me - privately, I'm laughing my socks off".
This reporter sought out climate expert Dr. James Hansen in his office, surrounded by computer screens, charts and bottles of Tipp-ex and Liquid Paper.
"You shouldn't believe these people" he fumed, waving his arms about. "They don't use any peer-reviewed sources".
When asked what he was currently working on, Dr. Hansen outlined his past work on eliminating the Inconvenient Warm Period -
"What did the Vikings know? They couldn't even write, let alone submit an article to a mainstream journal. I've just proved that the last decade was the warmest since NOAA's flood, and that the Arctic saw record temperatures, using interpolated gridded data based on minimal evidence. I'm currently working on LIAR - that's Little Ice Age Redaction, and I'll show you my work in progress" he said, knocking over a bottle of correcting fluid as he reached for a large chart.
Dr. Hansen is currently slated to be nominated for an Albert award this year, the supreme accolade for climate scientists and statisticians. This is awarded by the Gore-Bull Warming Institute, on the first day in the year that the temperature exceeds 85 Fahrenheit, as measured by the sensor located next to the engine-testing area at Dulles International airport. Because of this, nominees have to be prepared to travel at very short notice.
Head of the UK Met Office, John Hirst, said "This is nonsense, though we could have forecast a lesser effect if we'd not abandoned our long-range forecasts last month because of lack of interest". He continued "We believe in openness and accountability, which is why we're making available all our temperature data, along with the Sinclair ZX80 Basic program we use to adjust the data whenever we feel like it".
Dr. Phil Jones, of the now infamous Climatic Research Unit of the University of East Anglia, who played a major role in the meltdown, said "I'd comment, but why should I when all you want to do is publish what I say?" He terminated the interview to continue searching for his car keys.
Top Australian climate scientist Ian Lowe said "This is just bad research and media hype. We real scientists just get on with the science, and don't try to influence public opinion. If these so-called "researchers" had searched for "The science is settled", they'd have got a totally different result, as I posted on my blog, Twitter and RealClimate.org". Mr. Lowe has just been appointed scientific adviser to the Darwin Regional Office for Non-Governmental Organisations (DRONGO).
Penn State University scientist Dr.Michael Mann spent 30 minutes outlining the irrefutable science behind the IPCC report before answering our reporter's first question. "You have to understand where these people are coming from, their hidden agenda and their bias. Just analysing a lot of data isn't enough. You have to know what you're looking for before you can prove it exists. I wouldn't trust anything they say. I bet if you asked them for all their emails they could produce them. See what I mean? - no method, no integrity. I'd rather trust a few trees". At this point Dr. Mann became agitated and started waving a large chainsaw, so our reporter left.
Star reporter Chuck "Watergate" Fox was finally able to track down the Great Prophet of Mann-made Global Warming to his luxury houseboat "B.S. One" at the Hurricane Marina in Smithville, Tennessee. "Mr. Gore will see you once we've had an hour or two to look over your list of questions" Chuck was told. Chuck informed the smallest of the three bodyguards that he only had two questions - "Mr. Gore's reaction to the report on the IPCC's credibility, and why he purchased a seafront condo in San Francisco if he knows the sea level is going to rise 20 feet by the end of the century". "Mr. Gore won't be available to answer those questions" he was informed "The teleprompter has broken down".
The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.
